Come just as you are!

You ever heard this? "You can just come as you are, we don't care how you express yourself, we believe you are special!" or, "We love individuals!" or those great facebook quiz results, "You are special and people just need to learn to accept you for who you are! Some people don't like you but don't pay any attention to them." or the counsellors that feed you the line "You don't need to change for anyone, you need to be who you are!"

Whats amazing to me is how many people buy into this, perhaps more believe it now adays because they don't have good mothers to constantly hilight for them how inadequate and imperfect they really are, but I never once bought into this huge piece of BS. Even when I was in gradeschool, and someone says "Just be who you are" My first reaction is "Yuck, I don't like who I am, why should anyone else?" My problem was not low self-esteem. My problem was I was a depraved human being and I knew it. I wanted to break stuff, light things on fire, kill small animals. The kind of things serial killers do as children! I didn't act those things out, because I knew they were wrong. I was under the authority of Jesus, and so the way I acted made people say "Be who you are" their lack of knowledge of my inner workings cause them to say stupid things.

I find this behavior across the board, even into areas where people are engaging in behavior that is clearly harmful! Like the old standby of the foolish "You know I'm strong willed, I've always had to make my own mistakes." It is a great way to excuse one's idiocy. "He's an individual, you are just mad that he doesn't conform." Really? That's why the IRS fines people for tax evasion? Because they are "being and individual"? I think it's more an issue of them not filling an obligation of living in this society.

Sure there are lots of individual choices that have no bearing on your moral character. "I don't like tomato soup" is a good example. "I like rock music." Another great personal preference that emphasizes your individuality. But we all need to realize that we aren't that individual. The person who is individualistically wearing black, getting his nose pierced, and putting weird stickers on his car is actually just fitting in. He's not an individual at all. If these things made him an individual, then he'd need to dye his own clothes black and pierce his own nose, rather than going to an all-in-one boutique for emotional and disturbed teens who want to annoy and worry their parents.

At a certain point we all conform to stereo types, because it does take all types. Sure this kid over here doesn't like chocolate. But if you look you could easily find over 5 thousand kids matching that same description. Humans actually can be filed, and while the thought disturbs us, it's still true. I love that line from Pixar's "The Incredibles" "'Everyone is special Dash.' 'Which is the same as saying no-one is!'" They nailed it! You know what makes me special!? The fact that I'm not! I'm an ordinary white guy who goes to church, mows his lawn a little later than he should all the time, tries to pay his taxes to the best of his understanding, follows the laws, speeds occasionally, notices that not all races are the same, and has some opinions, and I'm perfectly content! That's what makes me special! I don't need to be a basket ball star. I don't need to be the next american idol. I'm just perfectly happy and content with my kids, my wife, my home, and my health!

And I didn't get here by being "just who you are" The best proof I can find is the case of the newborn. Everyone crowds around a new baby, and someone will eventually utter the phrase "Oh he's so perfect!" Really? He is? Well then the rest of his life shouldn't he be just as he is? A crying speechless, selfish, leeching, chubby, pink food-dumpster? With no manners, just expecting mom to lift up her shirt and feed him whenever he screams? This is perfect! That's who he is! Be Just as you are little baby! 'Till you're twenty-four, illiterate and breastfeeding!

NO. We need to grow, we need to learn. We come out not being tarnished except by inexperience! He's just not evil and screwed up because he hasn't had a chance yet, well, unless his mom was a raging drug addict and alcoholic, but you get my point. He hasn't had a chance to steal the neighbor kid's toys, his his sister, throw his food, cuss at dad, get drunk under age, etc. etc. The world is full of possibilities, and telling him to just "be who he is" rather than to use judgement and discernment and to Choose how he ought to be and conform to that will wind up with him being selfish, addicted and divorced.

Telling someone that they are an individual and they don't need to change a thing robs them of hope. Telling them that's "Just the way they are" means that they can't change it. Rapists will forever be rapists, alcoholics just alcoholics. People with disfunctional or abusive marriages have no hope to improve, and since they are just that way, and just attracted to those men, every marriage in the future has the same bleak outlook. They latch onto it, it becomes an excuse. They are victims of genetics, victims of their circumstances. And every time anyone invites them to live better, they just whine and complain and say "I'm not like that, that works for some people, but not me."

It's better to hate who you are today and be someone you like tomorrow than it is to try to accept this thing you've become and let it reign terror in your life.