At any rate, I did not begin this blog to complain about my lack of self control. The point is the M&Ms, well that's not the whole point, but that's where it begins. The M&Ms. It has long been urban knowledge that the green M&Ms are aphrodisiacs. apparently the fine folks at Mars Snackfood Inc. got wind of this, so for valentine's day, there are special bags of all green M&Ms. No, I'm not going to complain about them. I thought they were cute!
However, it turned my mind to the plethora of other things that have been considered aphrodisiacs over the course of history, and let me tell you, by comparison, the green M&M sounds boring and common place. Let me compile a brief list which has no supporting evidence other than my word, wikipedia, and whatever other sources I can scrape together in five minutes.
- Lard
- Anchovies
- The Moon
- Oysters
- Rabbit Genitalia
- Rhinocerous Horn
- Dried Blister Beetle Remains (aka Spanish Fly, actually poisonous!)
- Pearls
- Tiger Genitalia
- Bananas
What would drive someone to ingest an energy shake comprised of rhino horn, dead bugs, oysters (pearls and all), garnish it will a little "Peter Rabbit" and down the hatch, and at the end exclaim "It tasted suprisingly like bananas, and wow is it hot in here or is it just me?"
Aparently a lack of companionship. Suprising to me how much work people through history have and will go to just for the jackrabbit shuffle! They'll grind up stuff that I would never consider touching without rubber gloves and burn their entire digestive tract with it! Apparently this was more alluring than putting some effort into their marriage.
I can already tell you the greatest aphrodesiac: a great spouse! When my wife takes care of me, respects me, and loves me... when she goes out of her way to make herself attractive to me, well, lets just say that it does it for me much more than giant cat 'nads.
Even today people falsely believe things like viagra are an aphrodisiac, when in reality, it just causes a biological feedback that isn't necessarily tied to desire whatsoever. I was suprised at the credibility of sources I was able to uncover in my five minutes of research, I'll tag the websites at the end, but more amazing still is that everyone you read will tell you the same thing, the most potent aphrodisiac is your mind.
So many things that people claim enhance performance in bed boil down to nothing but placebo effect. You could hand out sugar pills that say on the label they boost libido and you would have over 90% satisfied customers that are coming back for more.
You can see this at work all over culture, even in the documentary "Supersize Me" where the experimentor's girlfriend comments that he was better in bed before he started eating McDonalds. This alone was probably enough to get men to despise the creepy clown who makes such very good food. But it's completely unfounded. These words come from the mouth of a super vegan who couldn't even WATCH her boyfriend eat meat. (as though McDonalds is real meat) odds are SHE was no fun to begin with as kissing would likely violate the "Nothing taken from living things" policy. I'd say 80% of the disappointment was from her mental image of a man with raw hamburger coursing through his veins, and the other 20% because she was a fridgid contentious woman.
In short, if you want to get turned on, forget about eating an aphro-shake, the best way to turn Green M&Ms into an aphrodisiac would be to buy a one pound bag and tell your spouse something you love about them for every one you eat. Spice that up with some love, respect, and commitment to your relationship. In the end, these will help you a hundred times more than 99 bananas. But 99 bananas might help a little. :D
Oh yah, the sources:
Also, unfortunately, I could not find anything on a duck that is considered an aphrodisiac, if you can, let me know!
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