Safety!

I've been really negative lately, so I want to lighten it up, now if you really know me, you know that the lightest I get is watered down cynical, so if you dont' know me, don't expect too much!

We went out with friends while I was visiting "the city" for a doctors' appointment for my wife. I will not say what her ailment is, just in case someone random wanders across my blog (like that would ever happen) and they would love to turn this blog post into all about the disease and how brave she must be to live with it every day and bla bla bla. My wife and I laugh at these people. This is an example of the safety of which the title implies I will be addressing.

As we were out with friends, I observed the single friends working very hard to "hook up" or even just strike up a relationship. There was generally a lot of alcohol involved and many things were said which no party believed to be true, even while inebriated. It was kind of like watching mule and white tail deer try to mate. If I recall correctly, mule deer love to have a wonderful chase around the fields, while white tails pretty much get down to business. Humans courting is a lot like Mule Deer, they give you the run around when you both know how it's going to end. It makes me very sad because the goal of this usually isn't a positive and lasting relationship, it's usually a one night stand, or adding a "benefits" clause to an existing friendship. In the end they could take a lesson from the white tails: If you are going to run around acting like an animal, why waste your time and energy? Just admit that you are nothing more than beasts, and then act like them.

I actually spent a decent chunk of my night in the car with my wife while our friends were dancing and drinking in a club, and I was much happier. With my wife, there never have been and never will be any little games. We don't pretend we want something we don't. We just are what we are, we love each other, and it's a safe place. We can say what we mean, unfiltered, as it enters our heads.

I feel sorry for all the single people who have to wade through the games and the guessing, and the horrible backstabbing that goes on, even with the people who honestly want a relationship, they feel like they are "guarding their heart" or something by playing games to test your loyalty, or whatever the heck it is they think they are doing!

So many people speak negatively of marriage "The Ol' Ball and Chain" "Tied down" etc. etc. Even apparently kind comments have a negative connotation. "Make an honest man out of him" Implies that the spouse in question is saddled like a horse and then trained with a stick. I'd like to point out that pretty much all of these are false, in fact, from a certain point of view I became "less honest" after I got married. Because there is a whole side of me that I used to have to hide from others, because whenever I showed it, they freaked out. I can show it all to my wife and not worry.

When I'm alone with my wife, it's like being alone and talking to yourself, but not crazy. It's totally safe. I can say anything, do anything, drink anything, and I know who I'll wake up next to each morning. I don't need to dance on a bar for attention, I just rub my wife's back, and I have more genuine affection than if I had five girls grinding up on me on a dance floor. Furthermore, I don't have to worry about diseases with my wife.

If I was ever tragically put in a position of singleness again, I don't know if I could put up with the BS of the dating world. Even the BS that other women have. There's rules about who and what you can talk about, what you can say, what is allowed and not allowed. With my wife, none of those exist. In fact, someone who got to witness our totally alone moments might be shocked to see the Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde transformation. Yet, they shouldn't be. Inside marriage there is utter freedom that is never found in any dating relationship anywhere, where people hold their dignity and egos so dearly.

My advice: Get out of the dating world and find a spouse that won't play games with your head, someone you can curse at, grab inappropriately, and laugh.